Scene: Crowded bank
Juli and Rita enter wearing all black and holding those hats that cover your face. No one notices. They move into the line. Finally, it is their turn.
Bank person: I'll be with you in just a minute! (Leaves, returns 10 minutes later)
Bank person: Thanks for waiting! Are you going to make a deposit today?
Rita: Actually, we're going to make a withdrawl.
Juli: We can do this the easy way, or the hard way. We want all records that a Mr.
Mikey Welsh has, or has ever had, an account at this bank. Keep the money for yourself, we don't
care. We just want all record of his name gone from your bank.
Bank person: Umm... ok, I can do that! (Hands over Mikey's papers)
Bank person: Have a nice day!
THE NEXT DAY...
Mikey, completely and totally sober as usual, walks down the sidewalk to an ATM. He tries to use it, but it keeps rejecting his card and number. He gets mad and starts punching the machine and kicking the wall. He enters bank.
Mikey: I need to withdraw money from my account.
Bank person (A different one): I'm sorry, blut we have no account for "Mikey Welsh"
here. Maybe you have the wrong bank.
Mikey: I DO NOT HAVE THE WRONG BANK! (Kicks counter, leaves)
Outside, Mikey talks to himself.
Mikey: I have two options: I can live the life of a hobo, or I can beg Rivers to let me back into Weezer.
THE NEXT DAY...
Scene: Weezer practicing in a room. Mikey enters.
Brian: MIKEY!
Scott: Who are you?
Pat: Hey, Mikey.
Rivers: Mikey.
Mikey: I know I left and I bet you guys all gate me now, but I really need some money
so WILL YOU TAKE ME BACK?
Brian: MIIIIKEY!
Rivers: Sorry Mikey. We have Scott now, and he's much better looking than you and
likes better music. Why don't you try McDonald's?
Brian: RIVERRRS! MIKEY!
Mikey: Rivers, you are the devil. I swear to God. (leaves)
Scott: SCORE! I still have a job!
THREE MONTHS LATER...
Mikey has started living the life of a hobo. He has found a broomstick, and for spare change he stands on the streetcorner and air guitars to Weezer songs he played in his former glory days. He has earned 67 cents so far today.
Juli and Rita, who are being followed by a crowd of cute boys in sweatervests, pass Mikey on the streetcorner. They stop, whisper to each othere while the cute boys scatter a few feet and pretend they were not following them. They stop whispering. Juli puts a dollar in Mikey's cup.
Rita: You're looking pretty down right now. What's wrong?
Mikey: My bank stole my money and now I'm a hobo.
Rita: Aw, that sucks! Well, I have a job for you, if you want one.
Mikey: Really? What is it?
Rita: All you have to do is come with us.
Mikey: OK!
All leave, boys follow.
Scene: Apartment somewhere
Rita: The bathroom's over there. Here's some soap, shampoo, and a razor. Take a shower and
shave. Give us your clothes so we can wash them for you.
Mikey: Umm... alright.
Mikey goes into bathroom, throws clothes out the door.
Juli and Rita: SCORE! (They divide his clothes up evenly. Rita wins the cointoss and gets Mikey's underwear. Juli gets his T-shirt. They split his pants down the middle. Mikey finishes with shower, comes out in bathrobe.)
Mikey: Are my clothes clean yet?
Juli and Rita hide clothing behind their backs
Rita: Umm... not yet! Why don't you go into that room right there and wait?
Mikey goes into room, which is filled with all sorts of expensive cameras and lights. He sits on the floor. Juli and Rita evter wearing black turtlenecks, pants, scarves, and black framed glasses.
Juli: Ok, now take off the bathrobe.
Mikey: WHAT?
Rita: You said you wanted the job!
Mikey: True... ok. (Takes off bathrobe)
Nobody moves for ten minutes
Rita: Ok... (She and Juli take pictures)
Juli: Is that the phone ringing? I'd better go get it! (Leaves)
Two hours later, Rita and Mikey emerge from room looking disheveled.
Mikey: (to Juli) Guess what? Rita said I could move in with her! She said I'm good at this job!
And they all lived happily ever after.
Even Juli, even though she was not living in the same apartment as Rita and Mikey, because... no.
FIN