And the final Stupid Poll results!
Who Do You Want to Win the AL Cy Young Award?
Jeff Weaver: 0 Votes (WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? COME ON, PEOPLE! JEFF WEAVER IS THE GREATEST!)
Derek Lowe: 6 Votes (Winner! Gooooo D-Lowe!)
Barry Zito: 3 Votes (Sorry, Barry. You're good and all, and maybe I want to have sex with you really bad, but do people want you to win the Cy Young? I think NOT.)
Pedro Martinez: 5 Votes (Almost, Pedro, almost. You can show them by actually winning it, because this poll does not mean anything! Yaaaay Pedro!)
Other: 1 Vote (I don't know who they were thinking of, but I'm saying Roy Halladay. Roy Halladay, I give you props from this person. I think you deserve it.)
4:05 PM
today is like, THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. there is no baseball game today, i lost fantasy baseball by like, 30 points, and, to top it all off, i can hear my sister constantly vomiting from my bedroom.
AWESOME!
3:51 PM
September 29, 2002
you know what another bad word is? PELT. PELT is the second worst word in the english language.
especially when applied to human hair.
10:22 PM
it is my valued opinion that the word "hearty" is the WORST word in the english language. THE WORST.
10:20 PM
September 28, 2002
skldksdjfl THIS IS THE BEST EPISODE OF THIS WEEK IN BASEBALL EVER!
Johnny Damon just said he was wearing Shea's pants! And the Green Curtain (as my brother and I call them) are on and ohhh, that is sooooo homoerotic, Zito, Huddy, and Mulder!
AND NOW THEY ARE SHOWING THE BEST PLAYS OF THE YEAR TO THE MUSIC OF ANDREW W.K! Oh TWIB, what did I ever do without you?
12:42 PM
I don't know what this show is, but it involves football players driving around looking for snakes and then picking them up. I think this is my new favorite show!
Well, behind TWIB.
12:16 PM
September 25, 2002
If I had known that my statements about the White Sox being my second favorite AL team would come back to bite me on the ass, I never would have said them. I hate you, Crede. Paul, I'm pretty mad at you. And even you, Magglio. You're hurting my fragile psyche.
So now my second favorite AL team is the A's. A'S FOREVER.
I'll like you again eventually, Magglio. Maybe once you're traded.
9:08 PM
This week, my award for "Most Common Referral" is "Derek Jeter's Taco Hole". Congrads to "Derek Jeter's Taco Hole" for overthrowing reigning champion referral "Karen Varitek".
8:53 PM
In today's good news, I found out that I'm #12 in my class*.
Now I feel all motivated to move up a couple spots, or at least maintain my #12.
* My class only has 40 people in it. Not really.
8:19 PM
September 23, 2002
And now, visible for the first time ever to non-sexynumberseven readers, My Best Story Yet, Bad A-Rod! - A Love Story
Personally, the picture is my favorite thing about it.
8:01 PM
September 22, 2002
I have decided that A-Rod is the perfect candidate for my plan to marry someone with a spanish last name.
We can live in the suburbs and ours kids teachers will say, "Oh, Pedro Rodriguez, you must be very Spanish! Your parents, Julia and Alex Rodriguez even have Spanish names!"
And little Pedro will say, "Actually, none of us are."
Well, I don't know if A-Rod is. But he has a Spanish last name, and that's all that matters.
Or maybe I should go for Eric Chavez!
7:56 PM
i think that all i really need in life is a friend as nerdy as i am.
also, this friend needs to live in the same house as me. but we would not make out.
1:43 AM
i have not been able to see out of one eye for two days now. and it's two different eyes, so i don't even know what is going on.
maybe i'm just too tired. eh.
1:39 AM
September 21, 2002
i don't even know what to think anymore. but right now i'm thinking "dude, why the hell did i just watch that yankees game?" and "ANDY PETTITTE, YOU ARE SO NOT MY HUSBAND" and "if we don't get nomie and cliff back next year, i am turning into a 100% white sox fan"
PS. CAN YOU TELL THE YANKEES JUST CLINCHED?
4:59 PM
Reason Number 39480239 I am Cool:
What I meant to say:
"There is only one more week of This Week in Baseball! The season is almost over!"
What I did say:
"There is only one more week of This Week in Baseball! The semen is almost over!"
4:37 PM
It still hasn't really hit me that I am going to be seeing the Strokes in less than a month.
In fact, I am going to be seeing the Strokes in... 12 days. Holy shit, that's not even two weeks.
It's just so weird now that it's actually happening.
But..
"*THE STROKES will be on the cover of SPIN MAGAZINE in December!"
Meuh. I'm happy for them, but... meuh. That's like the White Stripes winning an Mtv award. It just was never supposed to happen that way.
1:58 AM
September 20, 2002
Good quote time:
Interesting, yet at the same time, mundane.
I guess you have to hear it for it to really be funny.
11:35 PM
September 19, 2002
I should write an FAQ for family parties and just hand it out so I won't have to talk to anyone.
Q: What's that on your wrist?
A: It's a subway token.
Q: WHY DO YOU HAVE A SUBWAY TOKEN ON YOUR WRIST?
A: Because I LIKE IT. My brother wanted it, and then decided he didn't, so he gave it to me. And I made a bracelet out of it.
Q: Have you lost weight?
A: I don't know.
Q: I saw you over the summer, but I didn't notice.
A: Thanks. I didn't notice you either.
Q: Did you know you have a cousin named Julia?
A: Yes.
Q: Did you know she looks a lot like you?
A: She's eight. No, she does not look like me.
Q: Which classes are you in this year?
A: (my classes)
Q: Who teaches that?
A: (teacher's name)
Q: Who is that?
A: A teacher. That you don't know.
Q: Do you know (some person)?
A: No. Why?
Q: No reason.
A: Oh. Ok then.
Q: Where did you get those pants?
you get the idea. HAHAHA, man, i am so bitter. no wait, i just don't like talking to them.
OH, I FORGOT MY NUMBER ONE FAVORITE THING ABOUT FAMILY PARTIES:
Q (to my parents): Where does she want to go to college? What does she want to major in?
A: Why don't you go ask her?
And then they don't ask me. Apparently talking to me is too much for some people.
10:09 PM
the most hilarious thing i have ever read
the best part? i have barely any idea what's going on, but hey, it's still funny to me!
and who would have thought that both jay AND silent bob go to williams college? awesome!
10:03 PM
You don't know what going without a blog for a day can do to a woman! ROCK-QUEEN, YOU SCARED ME THERE.
2:25 PM
September 16, 2002
PS. I toooootally did all of my homework tonight, AND had time for porn. I'm some sort of timing GENIUS.
10:23 PM
When do we get to go on field trips? I want to go on a field trip. I don't think any of my teachers this year are going to take me on a field trip. AND IT SUX.
10:23 PM
I keep talking to myself, and quite frankly, it's scaring me. I always say the same things over and over, too, and I don't even realize I'm doing it.
And when I'm in bed at night and not tired, I reenact all of my favorite fanfiction using my fingers as the people. I skip the sex scenes, though, because I don't know, I don't think Finger Andy Pettitte should be having sex with Finger Roger Clemens. Because Roger Clemens having sex with ANYBODY just isn't right.
Also, I usually fall asleep laughing.
10:22 PM
Duuude... remember how Weaver was traded to the A's and then he was traded to the Yankees for Lilly? HOW AWESOME WOULD IT HAVE BEEN IF HE WAS STILL ON THE A'S? Seriously. A starting rotation of Weaver, Zito, Mulder, Hudson, and Lidle is some sort of wet dream.
4:34 PM
What I should be doing: Homework
What I am doing: BEING IN LOVE WITH JEFF WEAVER
4:30 PM
I think my all-time favorite quote is "Mark Wohlers called me a fag!"
I SHOULD TOTALLY USE THAT AS MY SENIOR QUOTE.
4:08 PM
September 15, 2002
Dear Ted Lilly:
I'm pretty pissed at you right now. I think you and Cory should get married.
Love, Juli.
10:04 PM
Ok, ok. In today's REAL news:
- I don't like it when I have to come to my mom's house and I knew nothing about it. Because I had planned on hanging out all day, alternating working on my essays and looking at porn, but instead I had to go to all of these places and find out if they will hire me.
- If I don't get a job at AC Moore, I'll be freaking pissed. That would be a cool place to work because I would get a discount on iron-on stuff and iron-on letters and t-shirts and all of that cool stuff.
- I am the only person on my buddy list that isn't "away". Thanks guys.
- Today's weather: Crappy.
- I was half asleep/pissed off and not really paying attention to how this might turn out, but hey, now I have a permanent purple streak in my hair.
- Thanks a lot, ANDY. YOU ARE NOT MY HUSBAND ANYMORE. And now that I think about it, Burkett isn't THAT hot. Sometimes. SIGH. HAHAHA, JORGE BEAT EL DUQUE UP. Not really, but I will say that because I like Jorge more.
- I need to write two essays, and I refuse to do it until I get back to my dad's house.
- AWWWW, MIKEEEEY! The Roberto Clemente Award = BETTER THAN A GOLDEN GLOVE. Maybe. Why the hell am I looking at all of this Yankee stuff? I am slipping, I don't even know who's pitching for the A's today.
- Ahhh, it's Lilly! I remember now. Come on Teddy, you used to be my favorite Yankee.
Dude, I have to shut up now because I don't know why I keep talking about the Yankees / claiming to be married to Yankees / like it when the Yankees are nominated for awards / beat each other up. Quite frankly, I'm scaring myself.
5:39 PM
I didn't know Andy was pitching today! I take it back, he is sooo not my husband. But it appears the White Sox are winning, so hey, if saying he is my husband will help him lose, I'll say it again.
1:55 PM
Guess what guys? People still won't hire me and I still have 0 references!
I need to do my homework sometime today. I hate homework. And I refuse to do it when it is light out and there are cartoons on.
1:01 PM
And now a special picture presentation:
a random picture of my future husband Andy Pettitte :: the scariest picture on the face of the plantet :: Robin Ventura's bad hair (I wonder why he's standing next to Torre and Zim instead of with his teammates? HMMMM... :: Robin NOT GETTING SHEA OUT AT THIRD SO SHEA HAD A TRIPLE (awww yeah, Shea!) :: Robin and Jorge Posada making out
Dude, why was I even looking at pictures of them? I don't know, but why does Andy get no love? Andy has 6 pictures and Robin has 23. WHERE IS THE ANDY LOVE, GUYZ, WHERE IS IT?
John Burkett is pitching today and he makes me all HOTT!
12:58 PM
I went to the Red Sox game yesterday and it was all historical and stuff because Derek Lowe was the first person to ever have 40 saves and then 20 wins in a later season, but that is beside the point. The real point of this is GUESS WHO THREW OUT THE FIRST PITCH? If you guessed JACKIE CHAN then you are CORRECT!
12:49 PM
I think I'm going to marry Andy Pettitte when I grow up. 'Cuz Me + Andy Pettitte = LUV.
And he and Robin Ventura have kewl hair!
12:20 AM
September 12, 2002
Just when things were looking up:
fanfiction.net takes away all of our fun.
You have no idea how incredibly PISSED I am about all of this... so now fanfiction.net is taking away all NC-17 rated stories... all stories that ARE fanfiction, but about real people, and that's apparently not "acceptable" fanfiction... this place used to let you do anything. And now where are all of my favorite stories going to go? What if they don't have their own sites to post them on. Oh, looks like they're done, then. I'll just have to imagine what happens next.
Sorry, you all know how cranky I get when deprived of fanfiction for like, 12 minutes.
8:39 PM
Today in Spanish class in an example they used the name "Julia" for a girl. This is good. This means that when I marry someone with a Spanish last name I will sound more ethnic.
Maybe nobody will figure out that I'm 50% French and 0% Spanish. BECAUSE I LOVE SPANISH.
But not my Spanish class. Dear Jesus Colome, that class is TOO easy.
6:49 PM
September 11, 2002
Maybe I should be more tolerant of people crying today, especially considering I burst into tears when the lady at the DMV wouldn't put my dad's address on my license.
But then she did, so it's all good now.
7:31 PM
dude, i WICKED just got my license.
that means i can drive on december 10. which is stupid.
4:29 PM
September 9, 2002
Back-to-back homeruns make me feel better. I think I'm ok to talk without yelling again.
9:32 PM
Derek Lowe was kicked out and I. Am. Pissed.
Maybe I'll be OK to talk to people tomorrow, but right now I don't think that's a good idea.
Also, I would appreciate it if you would egg Jerry Crawford's house. I'll meet you there!
9:17 PM
PS. I didn't have to take my drivers test today. Phew. But apparently I have to take it Wednesday. Boooo. Hopefully I pass and then I can come home and watch the Red Sox and then my mom will go to bed and I will watch the beginning of the A's game. And it will be a good day.
6:26 PM
In case you didn't know, Barry Zito and Denise are soulmates. Observe:
CM: Do you remember the first album or CD you ever bought?
BZ: It'd have to be Physical Graffiti by Led Zeppelin.
CM: I guess that's the first album teenagers have been buying for nearly 30 years now!
BZ: Yeah, I know. But it's such a great album. It's two CDs. "Ten Years Gone" was probably my favorite song. But once I came out of the rap thing, I really got into classic rock…Led Zeppelin, Boston, Starship, the Doobie Brothers…
CM: Do you remember the first concert you ever went to?
BZ: Yeah, my sister Sally dragged me out to see Aerosmith when I was like 7 or 8. This was in the '80s, and she and her friend had their big teased hair and everything. I'm this little 8-year-old, and they dressed me up in slacks and a jacket. And they're all rockin' out…it was at the Sports Arena in San Diego, I remember that!
And then later...
CM: Well Billy Beane's a big music fan. Have you ever talked to him about music?
BZ: Yeah, he actually recommended the Strokes to me, and I got into them in the off-season. They're pretty sweet. I like them. I had tickets to go see them in San Diego, but I had to fly to Alabama at the last minute. But the girl I was dating at the time went to see them, and she said the band got so wasted the night before that after the third song, the guy couldn't even sing anymore!
Number of future children I predict: 10,000. Get working, Denise!
MAFIAmirabelli: YOU ARE BARRY ZITO'S SOULMATE
DENISE: I AM
3:44 PM
Must be football season! (Heard from downstairs):
HOW COULD YOU DROP THE FUCKING BALL LIKE THAT? WHAT THE FUCK? FUCK! FUCK! FUUUUCK! GOD DAMN IT!
My dad = setting a good example.
1:08 AM
September 8, 2002
I have to take my drivers test tomorrow. Wish me luck.
Especially because my mom just popped this on me, I haven't driven at ALL in at least two weeks, I cannot do any sort of parking, and I finished drivers ed two months ago so I don't remember anything.
THANKS, MOM.
6:54 PM
If I had the perfect life I would live in a house with Mark Mulder and we would dance around to cute Ben Kweller songs in the living room. I would never miss a Red Sox or A's game, and I'd watch This Week In Baseball every week. I would also watch the Best Damn Sports Show, Period a lot more than I currently do. Also, there would be more time in a day. Because 24 hours is just not enough. And, oh yeah, it would be WARM and I would BE ABLE TO DRIVE. I would read more books and HAVE A JOB. But a job I liked going to every day. I'm not sure what this job is yet.
In my real life, none of that is true except that I do dance around to cute Ben Kweller songs (by myself) and I get to see Red Sox games a lot. IT'S REALLY COLD. I WANT TO GO SOMEPLACE WARM. but not too warm.
why don't i just go to bed? IT'S 4 AM. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?
Thank you. The end.
3:57 AM
September 7, 2002
it's so great that people associate me with baseball
actually, now i feel really cool!
and by the way, guys, thanks for telling me that half of the rings/cliques i belonged to have been gone FOREVER. I KNOW YOU ALL KNEW AND WERE JUST LAUGHING AT ME BEHIND MY BACK! I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS.
11:49 PM
Phew. Do not worry, guys, I brought the Stupid Poll back. I am sort of scared as to how it disappeared the first time, though, because it was definitely not me.
11:30 PM
today i was unanimously voted "Grossest Member of the Family". this came right after i said that bringing my brother to bars is a "guarenteed way to not get any tail". at least i'm hygenic!
1:15 AM
CORY LIDLE, YOU BITCH
i didn't mean that. i just thought they were going to beat the all-time record and win like, 30 straight. now i'm mostly upset because the As are only two games ahead of the Angels, and REALLY. The Angels are my new least-favorite team. Which doesn't mean much because they can join my other least favorite teams, the Yankees and the Braves, and I sort of like both of those teams.
But Mark Mulder is pitching tomorrow! He is super! And it's the lamest joke in the whole world is calling him "Fox", but seriously, he is.
1:01 AM
September 6, 2002
I should make a gallery of hilarious baseball photos. I give you photo number two:
IT'S MINI GILES AND JOHN BURKETT!
1:30 AM
I honestly don't even want to know what I would do with my time if God hadn't invented fanfiction.
But it would probably be something somewhat productive.
And why do people always kill off their characters? WHY. I HATE THIS. NOT REALLY.
12:30 AM
man, i cannot wait to have my own house/apartment. i will sit on the counters in the kitchen a lot. not that i don't already, but man, sitting on the counters in your own home just seems really awesome.
12:25 AM
September 5, 2002
Is there a more unintentional man on earth than Marcus Giles (or Mini Giles, as I plan on calling him)? I say no, unless that man's name is Rickey Henderson.
THAT'S MY BITCH!
11:51 PM
September 4, 2002
If you are wondering why I'm not blogging as much, here is my trendy school schedule post!
Period 1: Spanish I
2: French IV
3: Psychology
4: Calculus
5: Free
6: Honors Lit
7: Free
8: Free
Honestly, can you believe I'm in calculus? This still shocks me.
10:05 PM
Why does my mom always want me to go to bed at 10?
Why does she want to keep the As and I apart?
How come we couldn't get closer Strokes tickets?
Why does school suck so much ass?
How come the Yankees never use Jeff Weaver while I'm watching?
Why did Manny kill two comebacks in two days?
WHY?
10:03 PM
September 2, 2002
Today I was watching Baseball Tonight, but it was really in the afternoon, and they had this little thing on Barry Zito! And they were talking about his dad and how his dad was a conductor and taught these famous people to sing and stuff. And when Barry got a signing bonus he bought his dad an electric recording studio or something. That's a nice thing to do. I would buy my parents a house, but yeah, apparently he already had a house. And then Barry Zito's daddy taught him how to play baseball, even though he was not a sporty guy. And Barry had bad hair when he was sitting next to his dad, but his dad is cooler. Maybe not as cool as Albert Hammond Jr's dad, but still cool. Actually, I bet Barry Zito's dad knows Albert's dad. That's crazy. But anyway. They showed all of these pictures of Barry as a kid and stuff and I swear he had a mullet. And they showed The Zitonator singing and playing his guitar, but I couldn't really hear him because my little sister was kicking me and yelling "PUT ON CARTOON NETWORK!" in my ear. It didn't really kill the moment, though.
9:17 PM
My #1 Least Favorite Thing About Family Parties: I apparently have a cousin named Julia. I don't know how she is my cousin, but I guess she is. Every year, or multiple times a year, people have to tell me this, and think they are the only one who's done it. So I'm always getting, "See that girl over there? That's your cousin. Her name is Julia, too. You look a lot alike. Sure, she's... 8, I think, but you still look a lot alike!" Thanks, guys.
12:12 PM
I liked The Fellowship of the Ring a lot more the second time I saw it. Too bad we had to return it so I didn't get to see the end. That movie is 1/2 hour too long anyway. Not like the Harry Potter movie. That movie could be 7 hours long and I would still watch it.
12:05 PM
Is it acceptable for a 24-year-old male to call a younger female a "14-year-old hottie"? I say NO.
11:20 AM
Hey... I just noticed... WHAT HAPPENED TO MY AL CY YOUNG POLL? it disappeared.
11:19 AM
I can't wait to get married so I can not invite my family.
11:10 AM